Sunday, October 14, 2007


How many of us are walking around feeling wounded and alone and feeling there is not one person who could ever begin to understand what you are going through? God has given me such an awesome perspective on my life and the lives of others the past few years.
My life and just about every one's life has been full of trials and triumphs. What I have found in this journey through life is that each thing you go through prepares you for the next step in life.
I know that is always the thing you hear when you are in the midst of pain, but it is true.
We have the tendency to forget this when the trial is over and just move on as if nothing happens. We don't take these moments and learn from them.
I have been able to embrace this concept more in the last few years with the help of God of course.
When I lost Hunter, I thought the world should end, because mine did. I thought there is nothing teachable about this and there is nothing I want to learn. But by God's grace and buddy do I believe in His grace, because I was angry at the world and Him! He has taught me more than I could have ever imagined.
It took me until very recently that I have really been able to come out of the fog long enough to realize that we are all walking wounded in need of something more than this world can offer.
I don't know without a doubt why my baby boy was taken at such a young age, but I do know that our family is closer to each other and to God through it, and I do know that when our purpose is fulfilled on this earth we are taken home not one second early or late.
I believe when I got the Cancer diagnosis and started going through the process God showed me that we all have hurts and pain that we carry and that it is not all about me.
He opened my eyes to a world of hurting people, and I actually understood them because I have experienced most of these things.
I have been sexually abused, physically abused, emotionally abused, been through divorce of my parents, had a close friend die, diagnosed with Crohn's disease, part of a marriage filled with loneliness, loss of a child, loss of a parent and Breast Cancer. I think maybe I can relate to a few people.
But the funny thing is that not one of these things alone showed me what I really needed to see and know about others it was a combination of all of these things.
He has recently lifted the fog a little more and I am able to have joy again, true joy that is real and is only from Him.
My hope is that some how God's love will shine through me and I will be an encouragement.