Tuesday, December 11, 2007


I had one of those wonderful epiphany moments that I love today! I wrote yesterday about contentment and how I am not and I wish to be content.Well, I have prayed for God to teach me and show me how and show me the formula for success in the contentment category of my life.
Well, all I can say is, ask and you shall receive!
I have the privilege of being part of an awesome ministry that has touch my life in ways that words cannot even begin to express. I was with some of the most precious women in this ministry tonight talking about life's trials and triumphs and it hit me like a bolt of lightening!
In my pursuit for contentment God showed me tonight that I have it!
Contentment isn't this awesome high of being "always filled to the brim with love, joy peace, patience, etc.." It is all of those things but it is all of those things in spite of the aching in your heart because of a lost loved one, a serious illness, divorce or whatever it may be in your life.
I believe Christ had contentment in the garden of Gethsemane, but He also struggled with cruel ways of this fallen world that He so graciously saved us from.
What God showed me tonight as I sat with these wonderful ladies, that yes life is not easy this time of year and it hurts to be without those that you love so dearly. But, the contentment comes when you realize it is not some mushy gushy feeling that you are going to have all of the time just because you are a Christian.
I looked it up in Eastman's Dictionary and here is what I found, "a state of mind in which one's desires are confined to his lot whatever it may be"
I have accepted that my circumstances are what they are, my child is not here with me now, my health could be a lot better. What I do have is a God who loves me and sent His Son to save me and that was not enough. He loves me so much that He has placed the most precious people in my life to love and support me when I have rough days. So contentment is not the warm and fuzzies all the time and I will be okay the rest of my life without my boy, and my health isn't the greatest and I may not grow old. But I do have peace that my baby is in a place I too will be in someday whenever that may be.
It is the tears shared amongst friends, the laughter and joy in others triumphs! It is the smile and kind word of someone whose life you touched and did not even know it, and the prayers of people that you wont see until you meet in Heaven. That is contentment!
So I say,"Thank you God for answered prayer and your unfailing Love and mercy on me.

Monday, December 10, 2007


This is a very hard time of year for me. It is not a good time of year for many people. For those of you that don't seriously struggle through this time of year please remember those of us who want to go to sleep and wake up when it is over.
I sometimes come off as though I am content with life and all is good, but the truth is that I am lacking contentment right now. I have this void in my life that can only be filled by God and I don't know how to get there. I feel so far from Him during these times of sadness and grief. I just want to have my baby boy here with me.
Sometimes I ask God when is the pain going to stop and how do I make it through these times. I live in fear a lot of the time, fear of what is next. Who is going to die when is the Cancer coming back. I long for contentment in life, being okay with where I am right now and not worry or dwell on the past.
Someday. I will.