Do You Think Before You Speak?

Let me tell you the adventure that I have been on with my mouth the last week! I saw the guy on Oprah with the Complaint Free World bracelets and felt up for the challenge! Well little did I know how bad my mouth was with complaining! So here's the deal with the bracelets. You wear this bracelet and you cannot complain, gossip or criticize for 21 days straight and if you do you have to switch the bracelet to the other wrist and start all over!
I am thinking I can do this it should be fairly simple,right? WRONG! It was like everything that could go wrong went wrong of course.
You really do not realize how much negativity comes out of your mouth until you challenge yourself this way. I have really been convicted by this because I have yet to make it through a day without have to switch my bracelet!
It also makes you more aware of what others say. And I have learned a lot about myself and others.
You know you don't have any idea what goes on in the lives of others really unless you are in a trying time yourself. And guess what most of us are most of the time!
So be kind, consider what may be going on behind the scenes. The mean lady at the grocery store may have lost her child,husband, father or mother. Or may have a difficult marriage, out of control teens or whatever else goes on in this crazy world!
Complaining is so not productive at all! i have wasted so many words and time on complaining that it makes me sad.
So I challenge you to Think before you speak, remembering James 1:22-26 says
" Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.
26If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless."
It is so important to remember that this life on earth is not our home and is so fleeting do you want to be left with a life that was full of complaints?

Reflecting

I have been thinking of Hunter a lot today. I miss him so much. I get really scared that I am going to forget things about him, so on days like today, this weighs really heavily on me.
I cant believe that it has been so long since we lost him, and at the same time some days its like it just happened. Grief is a crazy thing there is no real way to do it right. We all do it the way that we do it and that does not look the same for any of us.
I try not to spend to much "dwelling" on his death, but focus on his sweet little life.
I am sad that I have and will miss out on things like the first day of school of course this is why I miss him more today(today is the first day here). I see moms and dads all stressed out about getting everything and everyone to the place they need to be with all the right paperwork, shots,supplies etc.
And I would give anything to have him here with me. Smell his smell, hear his laugh and all the things that get taken for granted in our everyday routines. When will I not hurt so badly when I hear his name or see a little toe-headed boy running and playing like he would be doing.
He definitely was a special little guy! He has affected so many lives and will continue to long after I am home with him.
I get comforted through others tears for our family, all of the words of encouragement and prayers for us. God has definitely blessed us with a great support system.
When will I stop feeling like the breath has been taken from me when i look at a picture too long? What about the times when Chelsie cries for him that helpless feeling when will it get easier to handle?
When will people stop thinking that I am going to break if they mention his name?
I want people to remember him and i want to hear the stories about him that others share with me.
I just feel very heavy with grief today. Tomorrow is a new day, but I have learned something new about the whole process today that I can take into all of the tomorrows I have left here.
The pain is different than a year ago but it has not lessened in any way it is just heavier in other ways.
When I have days like this I always have a moment of reflection on my life and where I have been and where the Lord has brought me, it is amazing what He has done in my life.
I will continue on in this journey through grief and hopefully grow and heal in the process.

Time

Life is so funny. We spend most of our time wishing we were in the future and then we spend the present wishing we were in the past. Seems crazy. You would think that me of all people would have some kind of grasp on time and how we should enjoy every second and savor every moment with friends and family.
But, yes I too take it all for granted! You would think after the loss of a child and cancer I would have snapped out of it just a little!
Well a little is about it! Though I have many more moments that I let go that I used to worry about, and I do take the time to answer when I hear the words MOM! shouted from across the house! And the things I let get me upset don't upset me anymore.
So yeah maybe those things I have been through for the last few years were worth it.
Because I am definitely not who I was nor do I wish to be that person again! And I definitely am trying to look at time differently.
There is something that I am looking forward to in the future and that is putting this whole cancer business behind me! Buddy that is something I look forward to this year.
I will be having the first of two surgeries in a few weeks, of which I am very excited about!
I will be getting some new girls to accompany me through the rest of this crazy life!
I went today for my pre-op appt. and it will take a year to complete, but considering the past year this should be a walk in the park!