Monday, December 10, 2007


This is a very hard time of year for me. It is not a good time of year for many people. For those of you that don't seriously struggle through this time of year please remember those of us who want to go to sleep and wake up when it is over.
I sometimes come off as though I am content with life and all is good, but the truth is that I am lacking contentment right now. I have this void in my life that can only be filled by God and I don't know how to get there. I feel so far from Him during these times of sadness and grief. I just want to have my baby boy here with me.
Sometimes I ask God when is the pain going to stop and how do I make it through these times. I live in fear a lot of the time, fear of what is next. Who is going to die when is the Cancer coming back. I long for contentment in life, being okay with where I am right now and not worry or dwell on the past.
Someday. I will.


Rachel said...

You know, I never really thought of fear as being the opposite of contentment before. But reading your thoughts here, it strikes me that way. I have always known that I struggled with fears in my life. But I have never once thought of fear and contentment being mutually exclusive to some degree. This is very interesting food for thought.

Thank you for sharing. And although this was written some time ago, it saddens me to read your pain. I'm so sorry. But at the same time, God speaks so loudly to me through it. I know that doesn't make it less painful, but I hope he brings encouragement to your spirit in knowing that the lessons you teach the rest of us are deep, true, and valuable.

In Christ,

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