Thursday, June 4, 2009

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" Ex:14:14

Here I am again on this roller coaster of life, finding myself once again in another valley. I am two weeks out from Breast Cancer metastasis to the bone, specifically the sternum(breast bone) diagnosis. I am three years from original diagnosis, and was just getting close to not looking over my shoulder for its return.
I guess I somehow knew that this day would come deep down in my soul, but it is never the same when all the pain and fatigue is actually what you have dreaded hearing for the last three years. "I am sorry Melanie, its back."
I have to say that next to the other three words that changed my life, " Hunter is dead "
the cancer being back is the worst thing I could hear.
Somehow I knew it was back, I really believe the Lord prepares your heart for things that He knows are coming your way. As I went through these last several months of chest pain thinking in the back of my mind that this could be the cancer. I always told myself not to go there and be positive, but the pain kept on getting worse and worse I couldn't breathe, cough, laugh, sneeze, etc. without severe pain. So after many co pays, visits, and tests. I finally get an answer to what is wrong with me, Cancer in my breastbone!
I feel like I am numb at this point. I don't feel scared or worried about the cancer. I worry about those around me that have to watch what it does to you, with all the treatments and medicines that I will go through it just sucks.
So what do I do with this new card Ive been dealt? I do what God expects of me and I expect of myself, I give Him the glory that He deserves because I know no matter what this will turn out for the good. We may not see it now, but I know that He will show us in time.
So, what I ask of you now is prayer our family to sustain whatever comes our way in the new journey we have started.

57 comments:

Katrina said...

There is no one perfect thing to say in situations like this. The sadness can be so overwhelming! Your grief is not your own. The Lion's share is yours, but it filters out and disseminates to the people who love you. We long to share the burden with you, walk you through it, - carry you even if it means that you will hurt less, feel our love more, and understand that it will be okay - come what may.

I think of the man who sat by the Pool of Bethesda - who waited for the miracle of the water being disturbed in order to be healed. He also had a big problem - no man to carry him into the pool. Christ came, lifted the blanket and helped him. And now no one can say, "There is no man to help me." There is hope smiling brightly before you, and for right now, and today, it's okay.

It's a crummy card you've been dealt, it's like the Old Maid card - NO ONE wants it, but now that we know where it is, we'll make the best of it. We all have to live all our appointed days, whether long or short. The point is to make the most of them and learn trust in our Heavenly Father.

Nice lecture, eh! There is strength and love in more places than you can imagine. Those that are with you are more than those that are against you. Hang in there sweet lady. You've got a powerful angel on your side!

Love you darling, love you.

Janna Barber said...

Hey Melanie! I keep seeing you at church, but other people are always talking to you. I did not know about your blog until Lisa linked to it on hers. It's good that you can write about what's going on, and I hope it's helpful for you. Love the verse you put up. How hard it is to "be still!" Well I just wanted to say it's been good getting to know you better and I'm really sorry about this sucky news. We will continue to pray for you. See you later.

Lori said...

This journey is really unbelievable sometimes. The joys and pains and all our emotions because of them. I know God is present with his people when I meet people like you, Melanie! Tears are flowing.... Hope I can be more of a friend even though we live a little distance from eachother. Love in Christ.. we are eternal sisters... Lori

Rachel said...

I love you so much and I am constantly inspired by you and the way that you seek God's glory in everything. Your life has touched the lives of every single person around you - transforming your family and reaching out to the very ends of the earth. Thank you for being an example of someone who is truly used by God, and who never gives up in the fight to live and love for him.

RivkA with a capital A said...

Hi Mel,

Glad to connect. Hope you get back to bloggging more regularly.

I also found that my faith keeps me going. I believe that God gives us these challenges for a reason and it is up to us to make something good come out of our situation.

I wish you strength and good health.

You can live a LONG time with bone mets. I know that I plan on doing just that.

Come visit my blog too:
http://coffeeandchemo.com

RivkA

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