Sunday, June 1, 2008

When God Speaks

Isn't it just awesome when God speaks to you through the humble servant hood of another. Well God did that for me today. He used Melvin Swafford to speak to me through the book of John.
It was one of those moments when any doubts that you ever had are tossed right out the window!
He used John 5 about the lame man at the pool of Bethesda. You are probably thinking what I was, where is going with this one? It may have never struck me like it had today if it were not for the events of the past four years of my life.
It hit home with me big time today!
Lets just look at these verses and then I will tell you what God revealed to me through them.

The Healing at the Pool John 5:1-9

1Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for a feast of the Jews. 2Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda[a] and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. 3Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed.[b] 5One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. 6When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, "Do you want to get well?"
7"Sir," the invalid replied, "I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me."
8Then Jesus said to him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk." 9At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.

These are the particular verses that spoke to me verses 5-8
This guy had been an invalid for 38 years! Melvin gave us a picture of how things might have looked at the pool. There are all these people, desperate people, daily coming to this pool to be healed, starring intently into this water so when it is stirred they can be healed.
And up walks Jesus and no one really pays much attention to him because they are to busy focusing on the pool. He asks the guy, "Do you want to get well?"
So here is where it hit me! I am the guy at the pool!! I have been crippled by the events of the past four years. And I have been starring intently into this pool of yuk, and Jesus walked up to me today and said "Do you want to be healed?" well, " Get up, pick up you mat and walk"

How many of us get stuck in the "rituals" of this life, distracted by our routines and going with what is comfortable.
Jesus spoke to heart so much today I am so excited about taking my mat and walking!
So I ask you are you ready to be healed? Christ can and will heal you of whatever is in that pool of yours that you have been focused on, so listen to Him and get up and walk!

Can I get an Amen!! :)

Working through grief

Work is definitely what this whole process is like, work! Really hard work that takes a toll on your body and spirit. It's funny because I have gone back and forth between the fear of life and lack of fear. It is really strange how I can go from one extreme to another, but I feel such an urgency to live life to the fullest and at the same time I fear what is around the corner, the what's next factor.
I feel like as soon as I take a breath and say okay I can make it, something hits me in the face.
After the loss of a child or anyone for that matter you tend to search for who you really are in this crazy world, where exactly do I fit always comes to mind.
Because everything you were before is gone, the role of who you were is no longer you role.
So what do you do when the child you have left here gets older and really doesn't "need" or want to be around you much anymore? Preteens have to find out who they are too.
Which brings me to where I have been the last couple of weeks. I have come to the realization that my baby boy is not here anymore and that my baby girl is growing up and does not need mom as much, and the fact that I will not ever have anymore.
And I wonder why I am grieving! :)
I have prayed through this whole experience for God to bring me closer to Him and help to have more knowledge of Him and now I act surprised when he answers!
I get so busy looking forward and forget that I need to be looking up. He is my sustainer and will provide every thing that I need exactly when I need it.
The tears this week have come further apart and I believe it is because I looked up instead of ahead to what is right in front of me.
I just pray that this is something that continues.