Monday, May 11, 2009

The Space Between

This seems to be the story of my life and anybodies for that matter. I am in a constant state of the space in between living life fully and complete and utter despair. It is very hard sometimes. I have such a huge amount of emotions that are going on all at the same time it is sometimes hard to decide on what end of the spectrum of emotions i am on.
I have the most beautiful daughter ever, she is smart, strong and more of a women than I could ever imagine or believe. I look at her and I am filled with joy and thankfulness for the gift of her.
I have often asked myself the question "when will the day come when the first thing I think of in the morning is, whats for breakfast, and not Hunters gone." We are coming up on five years next week that he has been gone and there is not one hour of my life that goes by without thought or mention of my sweet baby boy.
So here I am in this space in between. As much as I am here the more i examine what it all means and what I should learn from it and I have come to the conclusion that this space is a space chosen for some.
God has blessed me with a view of life that all don't see, it is no better or worse than anyone else, it is just my life.
But I am learning to see people and life in such a new way. I have come to a place of contentment that even I don't understand fully. I feel peace about it all.
God has has given me the ability to forgive the person who hit us that day, and even to pray for him and his life.
I am healing and I am okay with letting go of all the negative feelings that I had surrounding the events of the past five years.
I think the craziest part of the "in between" is that we all put pressure on ourselves to have a name to describe "where we are" at any given time. And what I am discovering through my journey is who cares what name it has, it is just where I am right now and it is okay.


Tennessee Mama Duck said...

Amen, Sister. You are a shining light to those around you (even if you don't think so!). We see your incredible strength and know it is from God. You have been given something special from Him through this. Something we don't have...

Praying for you this week...

Rachel said...

Melanie, I never cease to be inspired by your honesty and humble acceptance in the face of whatever God has for you. Suffering has truly produced perseverance, character, and hope in you and your beautiful family. I'm glad that God has given you the ability to be content in all situations. I'm thankful that you feel his peace in everything, and that you constantly demonstrate that to those around you. I am praying for you, and I'm so thankful to have the honor of learning from a woman of God like you.

Mimi Mary said...

Melanie, since you were little there was always something special about you that drew people to you. I remember one of our friends, John Boggs (who has gone on to Heaven) calling you "his girl" and also "angel girl". God has given you a gift of love, compassion, understanding, humility and so much, much more and you share all that with everyone you meet. Though we don't see you very often, we keep you in our prayers. Love, Aunt Mary